Today I wrote a person asking me if I could guide him about being a “pseudo” in BDSM. After a bit of thought, he replied that a “pseudo” is a person who is considered to be less than serious or an “easy sex” seeker within the BDSM environment. My interlocutor then asked me who sets the parameters to consider somebody seriously or “strawberry”, to which without hesitation I answered that it depends on each person without more or less.
And let’s face it, the term “pseudo” is used to disqualify, point out and discriminate against any person who does not fit into the behavioral parameters that the imaginary BDSM community states should have a good BDSM practitioner. So it is used both to point out and attack the ignorance of new people as well as people who only seek sexual contacts without all the paraphernalia of the protocols and ways that we like so much to some.
We like to disqualify others by calling them pseudo because as we qualify or disqualify others, we validate ourselves and tell ourselves that what we do is within the acceptable parameters and that we are OK.
It is expected then that in the BDSM environment you adjust to the stereotypes of ama that exist and do not dare to charge, because then besides pseudo you are a whore. It is expected that if you are submissive you will talk about yourself if not then you are pseudo because you do not surrender and you are disrespectful. You are expected to have a monogamous relationship because if you dare to have a multiple relationship then you are pseudo because you do not establish relationships of commitment. You are expected to attend meetings because if you do not introduce yourself then you are not a real person, but you are also expected not to go because if you go then you need to be taught and you do not have the ability to be self-taught. You are expected to know all the “protocols” of respect we are all supposed to follow, even if we have 2 days learning from this and our parameter is Mr. Gray. You are expected to be a super-cruel and sadistic BDSM practitioner even if you just like tickling. And so it could continue to follow, however it all boils down to that people are different and that in BDSM everything is relative to the people who practice it and then saying that a practitioner is pseudo is nothing more than a prejudiced opinion of Practices of another.
This is why I say that I am also Pseudo, because I am not within the stereotypes that are expected of me as a BDSM practitioner and if you think about it, you do not fulfill them in any way.
And please do not get me wrong or confused, we all know that activities without consensus are unacceptable and that the people who perform them are not “pseudos” are ABUSERS and that they should be pointed out and denounced. One only has to reflect on what is an abuse and what is a bias in BDSM practices to understand the difference.